I feel so...... lost. I really didn't mean to post those statuses to demoralise the team.

Okay I know that we can do this as a team. I know that I can do this. But I just feel so doubtful. Not of the team, but of myself. My goalkeeping skills are like on and off. Sometimes I can do it, sometimes I can't. I can save hard balls but I keep letting in easy balls. I am trying, I know I am. It's like I put in my all, but I just can't do it. I jump, and I miss the ball by that little bit. Or like my fingers touch the ball and it's still a goal.

I really dont wanna let Mr Loh down, I dont wanna let Mr Buns down, I dont wanna let the team down. Now it's not just about me. I dont care if in front of everyone I look like some noob goalie who can't save easy balls. Now it's all about everyone else. Everyone who believes in me. People who put the time in to coach me. And my mom keeps nagging at me to do well and be a good goalie and get into combined schools or else I'll just embarrass Mr Buns.

I have the privilege of having Mr Buns to coach me while other goalies dont. Our training is definitely way more intensive than them. But why is my keeping still same/lousier than them? Then what's the point of Mr Buns putting in so much time and effort to train me?

And what about my team? They swim up and down so hard in the game just to score those goals. For me, I just float at the goalpost and I cant even save those balls?

I feel so scared. Everytime I visualise, I see myself saving goals but somehow I start tearing even with my eyes closed. I start tearing when I think about the team and how it's just gonna suck if on that day im off-form. It's just so scary.

Urgh, idk luh. Sorry team.

I PROMISE I WILL DO MY BEST. But what if my best isnt enough?